Building Trust Through Conflict

Ironically, you have an opportunity to take a relationship to a higher level of trust after a conflict situation. Think of a time when your car had to be returned to your dealer for repair. You may have felt frustrated and annoyed by the situation, but if your auto dealer handled the situation successfully, you are more likely to choose that dealer over another in the future because you trust that they will come through for you, even if there is an issue. To rise to that level of trust in conflict situations, you must be able to:

Adapt - Nothing is more irritating than being in conflict with another person who is rigidly adhering to their set of rules and who is unwilling to adapt to a particular situation. Be willing to look at the situation objectively and let go of resentment, bias, and inflexible thinking.

Keep the Relationship Warm - Just because you are coming from opposite viewpoints, you don't have to treat each other coldly or rudely. That only deepens the resentment in a conflict situation. Try to continue to connect on a human level with the other person.

Listen to Values - Sometimes a conflict situation gets bogged down in petty details. If you can focus and look for shared values, you can often find a way to resolve the conflict.

Act on What You Hear - If another person has an issue with you and feels strongly enough about it to express it, it is your responsibility as a professional to act on that communication. When you do so, you show your good faith in trying to bring the conflict to a mutually acceptable resolution.

Follow Up - You can't simply walk away from a conflict situation and expect that everything will resolve itself. People need time to cool off and process solutions, but you should always follow up with the other person and check to see that you have moved beyond the conflict in your relationship.

Be Willing to Change Yourself - How can you expect another person to change if you can't change yourself? Someone once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. To put the conflict behind you permanently, you have to demonstrate that you are doing your best to change.

Alex Zaborenko
Dale Carnegie Training of Colorado & Southern Wyoming
http://www.dalecarnegiecolorado.com/